Leukemia?
When the hell did that become a possibility, I thought anxiously, my heart racing, a wave starting ...
Background: I've not felt well for approximately two months. I finally went to see a new OB/GYN, a little afraid of Ovarian cancer, which ironically, has been in the news lately. I'm rather glad that I had it checked out prior to the Dr. Oz onslaught of information. But I did have all of the symptons. Good news: it's not Ovarian cancer ... it's not gynocological. Relief.
Next step: blood work and CT scan. Really? (That made me a bit nervous, but I handled it.) After researching and listening, I truly believed it would simply be a gallbadder issue or the mysterious IBS. I just wanted to feel better and just know what the problem was, like all of us do.
Waited ... two weeks ... insurance denied my CT scan. Bastards.
Fine, I'll just go hear about my blood work. Maybe it was my thyroid? Definitely low in vitamin D. Not a surprise.
Friday: My doctor, whom I am quite fond of, started with the good news. As she has my 4-pages of information in front of me, she is purposeful. She wants to show me what each section means (not realizing that all of the those numbers and the discussion of blood is not my strength), starting with my blood count. "It is normal, so you don't have Leukemia." (No words right now to really explain my immediate reaction ...)
Without retelling my personal experience with that horrific word, I will just share that it, that disease, is one of the reasons I have an extreme sensitivity to just about everything ... it is who I am. Still haunted ...
My once calm composure changed slightly; my inner strength changed drastically. But hearing that news, I had a moment to realize that she sincerely was giving me good news. At least until she came explained that although it is good that I'm not fighting an infection, she is still not sure why I'm having these physical issues, but one test did give a hint, an 'non-specific' test. Oh great ... non specific, which means, they still don't know. Ok, so how bad could that be?
That's when she explained that my LDH was high, extremely high in my mind once I saw the numbers. Defined in the New York Times (yes, I did research it even if I know that is not the best thing to do)
http://health.nytimes.com/health/guides/test/ldh/overview.html
"LDH is most often measured to check for tissue damage. The enzyme LDH is in many body tissues, especially the heart, liver, kidney, skeletal muscle, brain, blood cells, and lungs.
Other conditions under which the test may be done:"
The list I probably wish I hadn't seen ...
What Abnormal Results Mean
Higher-than-normal levels may indicate:
- Blood flow deficiency (ischemia)
- Cerebrovascular accident (such as a stroke)
- Heart attack
- Hemolytic anemia
- Infectious mononucleosis
- Liver disease (for example, hepatitis)
- Low blood pressure
- Muscle injury
- Muscular dystrophy
- New abnormal tissue formation (usually cancer)
- Pancreatitis
- Tissue death
Key word: 'may.' Now, I recognize that it could still be, and probably is, a benign issue ... a ruptured ovarian cyst that didn't heal well ... my gallbadder still. Regardless, my imagination, although normally a postive part of my life, can haunt, create nightmares in my mind that linger. Let's face it ... that list 'sucks' ... Shit, I'm scared.
I share this here, knowing any of my dear friends who might actually read this at this point will understand my need to share, to vent, and will also know that now I must crawl into a bit of a hole, put up a little wall barrier, at least until I have 'processed' it all.
And my dear sister, who is desperately trying to keep me calm, has also been researching it non-stop. Hmmm, see even she is a little nervous. Let's just hope the CT scan is approved and we know, again, what it is not! And it will only be a silly little matter ... so I can laugh about being nervous afterward ... yes, let's hope! And dance!
Positive thoughts.
Peace,
Krista
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