Blogging by Light Box: Now That's the Life (That's another working title for this...)
To find out that the woman you have been for the past 10+years could all stem from an invasion in your body, the unwelcomed enemy that can impact one's well being ... hell ... one's mental state. Could I really have suffered so much mentally because of a 'curable' condition? Warning ... language ahead ... fuck!
As so many people understand, depression is real and does affect the quality of life, especially if untreated. I treat mine with the appropriate medications and do well. But there are days when I don't want to face the day. There are days that I know I am 'out-of-control' with my emotions: stress, angry, sadness, anxiety ... have I named them all? And like many people, I blame my genes (even my jeans sometimes if I can't fit into them), but what if it is not just my ill-functioning brain that is all at fault? What if ... Warning ... language ahead ... damnit! Are you kidding me?
A friend of mine told me to listen to a Coldplay song loudly while reading the lyrics. "Every Tear is a Waterfall" Maybe I should share that there was one birthday where all of my family members gave me a birthday card one year with the same joke: PMS. Yes, at the time I laughed. Sort of. A part of me wanted to scream and cry because it really wasn't a joke, not in my world. Foreshadowing?
Heck, I do cry ... a lot ... often ... for sadness and sentimentality. Isn't that just me? Or is it that my body, my female body, betrayed me?
So, I'm getting a hysterectomy and for some reason I am overwhelmed with emotions I didn't expect. I'm angry that I have suffered because of this ... knowing, again, it could be worse ... and I hate the idea of this surgery, taking a part of me, an essential part of my ability to give birth to my children (my lifesavers, daily), is going to be removed! And that makes me question the surgery. Quite the quandry.
So many fears and thoughts and thoughts and thoughts ....
To be continued ...
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