Traveling With Family

Vacations have notoriously been glamorized by television, movies, and literature, but they have also been the subject of great comedies when family is involved. Sometimes, however, the tension is not as comedic as the stereotypes ... And sometimes the reality is that our family can force us to face our many faults, demons, and in some cases insecurities. So I will share a very personal experience so maybe I can begin to have a new perspective. Let me begin with Facebook. I love it for sharing pictures and stories and for seeing those same things from dear family and friends. Keeping me company on many a lonely evenings, I find solace in having someone on the other end ... If only for a short chat. Now let me mention a sister who loves to take pictures and who often makes poor decisions when it comes to dealing with sensitive family matters, although she truly means well. Combine the two -- The sister and Facebook -- and catastrophe occurs. Ok, I might be exaggerating a it but it didn't feel like that this morning. I had given this sister strict guidelines for the pictures she posts, especially the ones she tags. In the midst of finally gaining some self-esteem back from having it stripped away for several already mentioned reasons in this blog, my sister decisions to post and tag a certain photo derailed months of healing. ( again, I stress that it would never be intentional and in fact, she feels great remorse after hearing about my reaction. What was my reaction when I opened Facebook this morning to see the picture. Horrified. Nauseous. Anxiety-ridden. Mortified. (Ok, I think that clarifies). I Immediatelyntried to call her and when that failed, I marched down to her room in the timeshare complex and barged in, hoping to have her take it down immediately. Of course, if I knew how to do that my my IPad, i would have. Luckily, I knew she often kept herself logged into Facebook, so I was able to good line and delete it. But the damage was done. Yes, I started to calculate the time differce and realized that IT, the dreaded picture, could have been viewed by anyone on Facebook back home on a Saturday morning. Oh, like everyone. (Yes, sarcasm again.) Why? Why did I have such a reaction? It's simple, really. I've been single for two years ... I'm lonely ... And when I saw the picture, this is what went through my head: oh my God, I am so fat and now so many men have seen that they I will never be asked out. Extreme? Ridiculous? Maybe to some but certainly not to me. That's my reality ... That's what I see. Even if I know that I should tell myself that a good man should want me,love me, for my inner beauty, (and I do believe that is true), I don't trust men any more to fulfill that truth. That's my reality. Scarred from others, I still haven't healed ... But I'm trying. I promise a happy post next time. Peace, Krista